Sharknado

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***MILD SPOILERS AHEAD*** If there's one feeling that this movie will leave you with...it's disbelief. Disbelief that this movie wasn't released in theaters. Or on DVD. Or on an actual, respectable movie channel. (No offense, syfy, but...you're not a movie channel. Not for good movies, anyway.) Disbelief that Tara Reid won't earn one single Oscar nomination for this role...her 3-4 lines and 2 different facial expressions carried the movie. Disbelief that Ian Zering - the pro surfing, womanizing, shark killing, mountain climbing, chainsaw-wielding-with-pin-point-control, immortal hero of this story, won't be cast in Expendables 3. Disbelief that, this entire time, no one figured out until now that sharks are naturally weak against bar stools. (George would have survived until the end, had he not abandoned that stool on the highway...) Disbelief that helicopters could be flown directly in the face of three tornadoes without being affected by any turbulence at all...but a shark bite to the leg on the copter, on the other hand, will be it's doom. Disbelief that homemade bomb-making could be such a family-bonding activity and/or great first date. Disbelief that this movie ONLY cost $1 million to make, despite the special effects being as good as, if not better than, Avatar or Pacific Rim. Disbelief that I could fit this much sarcasm into one review. "Sharknado" scores a 1.5 out of 5. It's terrible. But, it was fantastic in it's awfulness. "Sharknado" achieved the "so bad it's good" level of bad, and, if viewed with a bunch of friends and plenty of alcohol available, it is sure to be a good time. My friends and I eagerly await the sequel. Because Sharknadoes in NY are MUCH MUCH WORSE than Sharknadoes in Cali... I'll end this review with, in my opinion, the best youtube comment related to this movie; "This has to be CGI. There's no way they trained all of those sharks to fly." Indeed. (If you enjoyed this review, then perhaps you'd enjoy my humble little page... www.facebook.com/TheBDBOS stop by and say wussup!)

The title should have been a heads-up for me. Sharknado is undoubtedly one of the most painfully stupid movies I have seen in a long time. The dialog is pin-headed, events and actions repeatedly defy the laws of nature and physics and some of the more dramatic moments were actually laugh-out-loud funny. A lame and overly ambitious mishmash of Jaws meets Twister meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Sharknado's greatest and most enduring value will likely be the comic relief it provides. Just because the movie takes itself too seriously doesn't mean YOU have to! If nothing else, it could make for an entertaining pizza-and-beer B (or C or D)-movie night with the gang.

That's it. That's my review. I can't top the title in explanation, you have Twister and Jaws in one movie with none of the budget or talent. It's the best B movie I've seen. I can't top that. I can't expand on that. I'm literally just typing to fill IMDb'S 10 line rule. See this line? This line holds no purpose! Just watch this movie. That's it. That's all. Oh look I reached my limit. I can post this now. I can post this simple stupid possibly junk review now right? Because this movie is review proof. It's perfect. It's awesome. WHY ARE YOU READING THIS AND NOT WATCHING TORNADO SHARKS!? Seriously you have no reason to read anymore, you know this movie contains Sharks and Tornados. It's exactly as stupid as you think, go watch it NOW!

THIS IS STUPID. There, I think that sums it up. All this film does is introduce characters,then kill them off seconds later. It starts with Fin (Yes, he's called fin)and three other people so incredibly devoid of any character that I can't remember any of them. Then, all it does is slowly introduce redshirts for the sole purpose of killing them off. One of the characters who sadly survived is one who has no problems leaving innocent school kids to die. There's also this teacher, who's death scene is just painful. Parts of the Hollywood sign fly towards him, and he engages in this really pathetic thing were he doges them. Yeah, every single one heads towards this guy. It looks like some crappy quick time event from some bad video game. He gets crushed by some rebar that clearly landed nowhere near him. We also get some completely pointless scene were they run through a red light for NO reason, and the police chase them. They give up chasing after 5 seconds, and it's not relevant to the plot in anyway, except it shows this nitro-boost feature, which of course comes back at the ending. The only good thing this movie does is kill off the annoying woman who exists solely for the love plot tumour. But then, in the finale, the protagonist is eaten by a shark, but chainsaws his way out. Oh, and the annoying woman who was eaten well over ten minutes ago? He pulls her out, and she survives. And that is why the director of this film must be sent to hell for his crimes against the human race.