Cold Mountain

There is a difference between a movie about a grueling journey and a grueling movie, but "Cold Mountain" didn't get that memo. Director Anthony Minghella is cut from the same cloth as Sam Mendes: both are non-American directors who try time and again to make the great American movie and fail. "Cold Mountain" is about a man (Jude Law) who goes on a bizarre odyssey from the battlefields of the Civil War back into the arms of his true love (Nicole Kidman). The journey is harrowing and unpleasant, and Minghella makes us feel every ounce of it without counteracting the unpleasantness with any suggestion as to why we should care. Law is good, Kidman is bland, and Renee Zellweger is ridiculous in a hammy performance as a Southern good ol' gal. A bunch of famous people (like Philip Seymour Hoffman, Eileen Atkins and Natalie Wood) pop up in cameos. It's kind of like a dismal Southern version of "Around the World in 80 Days." Grade: C

This movie really has nothing going for it. With the Reverend played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman complaining about his constipation and other toilet humor in a 2.5 hour movie, you know that they made no cuts at all and left the crap in, literally. It's a waste of good talent, and a total embarrassment. Dreadful!